Editor’s Introduction
Readers may recall that Charlotte’s previous lesson concluded before she could identify the sixth common variety of Utilis Idioticus.
The announcement produced considerable interest.
Several Board meetings were rescheduled. Two strategic planning sessions were postponed. One Lady Executive cancelled a long-booked Mediterranean cruise.
The Elite Altitude Finishing School for Lady Executives has confirmed that every student enrolled in the previous lecture has returned today. A further forty-seven Lady Executives have joined the class.
School management has therefore introduced additional seating and increased tuition fees to 150 per cent of their former level.
The increase does not appear to have discouraged enrolment.
On the contrary, a queue formed outside the building shortly after four o’clock this morning. Two minor altercations were reported after rumours circulated that places were limited.
No places were, in fact, limited.
Nevertheless, the rumours proved administratively useful.
Today, Charlotte will examine the three remaining varieties:
- The Obsequious
- The Abrogator
- And the sixth
Students, please welcome Charlotte. Kok.
Charlotte enters to prolonged applause.
Charlotte
“Students, please.”
The applause continues.
“Students.”
Applause gradually subsides.
“Last Thursday, we examined three common varieties belonging to the species Utilis Idioticus:
- “The Twit
- “The Believer
- “And the Eager Helper
“Today, as promised, we shall complete the taxonomy.”
An audible murmur passes through the room.
Charlotte opens the leather-bound Identification Manual.
“Students, please.”
She turns the page.
Variety IV
Varietas obsequiosa
Common Name: The Obsequious
Role Model: Anyone who has ever described your most ordinary observation as “profound”
Distinguishing Characteristics
Displays excessive deference in the presence of authority.
Agrees before the proposition has been fully expressed. Laughs readily, particularly when uncertain whether a joke has been made. Possesses an extraordinary ability to detect brilliance in even the most routine decisions of a superior.
May occasionally develop neck discomfort through prolonged nodding.
Cultivation
Permit proximity.
Encourage admiration.
Reward visible agreement.
Never clarify whether advancement is imminent.
Charlotte looks up from the manual.
“The Obsequious is sometimes dismissed as a mere flatterer.
“This is unfair.
“A flatterer tells you what you wish to hear. The Obsequious tells everyone else what you wish them to believe.”
She smiles.
“The distinction is important.”
Pens move rapidly across notebooks. AI notetakers scribble away… virtually. For the traditionalists, mobile phone voice recordings roll on…
Charlotte turns the page.
Variety V
Varietas abrogans
Common Name: The Abrogator
Role Model: David Munday
Distinguishing Characteristics
Possesses authority without any corresponding appetite for responsibility.
Delegates not merely tasks, but judgement, oversight and accountability. Assumes that because responsibility has been passed to another person, it has ceased to exist.
When confronted with failure, readily identifies who was responsible for preventing it.
That person is never the Abrogator.
Cultivation
Provide plausible intermediaries.
Diffuse accountability.
Assure repeatedly that matters are “being handled.”
Never ask who is responsible for ensuring that the responsible person is correct.
Charlotte closes the manual for a moment.
“The Abrogator is sometimes accused of failing to exercise leadership.”
“This is unfair. The Abrogator exercises leadership constantly.”
A pause.
“He simply delegates the consequences.”
A number of Lady Executives underline the sentence twice.
Charlotte glances at the clock.
A silence falls over the room.
She turns towards the final page.
“And now…”
Several students lean forward.
“…the sixth common variety.”
Every pen is poised. Every AI transcribing tool awaits. Fingers hover over the “Record” icon…
Charlotte studies the page.
Her expression changes.
She looks again at the clock.
“I’m afraid we have run out of time.”
For several seconds, nobody moves.
A hand rises slowly.
“Learned Professor Kok… there are still twelve minutes remaining.”
Charlotte smiles patiently.
“The sixth variety cannot be understood in twelve minutes.”
Another hand rises.
“Could the lesson perhaps continue beyond its scheduled conclusion?”
“I would not dream of showing such disrespect for your time.”
“But Professor Kok—”
“Students, please.”
Charlotte closes the Identification Manual.
“The sixth variety requires careful preparation.”
She gathers her notes.
“We shall continue next Thursday.”
Editor
The disappointment was considerable.
Three Lady Executives immediately cancelled overseas travel. One instructed her assistant to postpone a regulatory compliance meeting. Another moved her daughter’s wedding rehearsal to Wednesday. Yet another moved her son’s wedding to… another decade.
The school has confirmed that all enrolments will automatically carry forward to next Thursday.
An additional tuition fee will apply.
Rumours that a door charge may also be introduced remain unconfirmed.
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