Baudrillard weaponised – Editor’s introduction
Contrary to previous posts concerning “documentation”, Charlotte has never documented anything.
This is because Charlotte believes that if narrative control is successful, reality itself becomes irrelevant.
It could also be because Charlotte’s malice and vindictiveness far exceed her patience.
And intelligence.
So eager is Charlotte to exact satisfaction, that she has become… careless.
Jean Baudrillard posited that modern institutions increasingly replace reality with simulations of reality. Charlattan Charlotte merely operationalised these insights to the quarterly leadership meeting.
In Charlotte’s world, performance matters less than the simulation of performance. Meetings need not resolve anything, provided they generate the appropriate emotional residue afterwards. A failing project accompanied by a colourful dashboard and a “stakeholder alignment framework” is, to Charlotte, infinitely preferable to a successful project delivered quietly by technically competent people. Competence, after all, lacks theatre. And Charlotte adores theatre.
This creates difficulties for those unfortunate enough to insist upon primitive concepts such as evidence, timelines, documented feedback or observable reality. Such individuals are frequently described by Charlotte as “creating unsafe dynamics” or “resisting collaborative transformation.” Their true offence, however, lies elsewhere: they continue to believe that reality exists independently of the narrative Charlotte has prepared for leadership consumption. In this respect, Charlotte does not merely manipulate perception. She seeks to replace reality entirely.
Charlotte picks up the theme
And so, I have never had to produce any documentation whatsoever in my long and illustrious career. No one single person in senior management at Findex – Crowe has ever asked me for the documentation I so regularly admonish my subordinates with – especially during their performance improvement journeys.
Editor’s note
One may wonder, with people’s livelihoods at stake, whether “management” might display a modicum of curiosity about the “documentation”?
One would be mistaken.
Charlotte continues…
You see, students, documentation is merely one narrative amongst many. An overrated one at that. Lesser managers become terribly fixated on “evidence”, “facts”, “timelines” and other such administrative superstitions. But if one controls the emotional atmosphere of a meeting effectively enough, documentation becomes almost unnecessary. Particularly when senior leadership have already decided which version of events feels more strategically convenient.
This is why I place such emphasis on language. Never say an employee is competent but inconvenient. Say they are “struggling to align with the broader cultural direction.” Never say you dislike someone personally. Say there have been “ongoing concerns regarding stakeholder engagement and psychological safety.” Observe how magnificently vague this all is. Vagueness, students, is not a weakness. It is armour.
Editor’s comment
Baudrillard warned that simulations eventually cease to represent reality and instead replace it entirely.
And eventually, the simulation becomes self-sustaining.
And a poem to finish
Charlattan Charlotte rose through the ranks
On frameworks, optics, and stakeholder thanks.
She spoke without pause and managed to say
Absolutely nothing in seventeen ways.
She weaponised wellness and extemporised care,
Then placed half the office on “plans” out of spite there.
No timelines. No memos. No coaching. No trail.
Just vibes-based misconduct and leadership hail.
“The issue,” said Charlotte, with narrowing eyes,
“Is your tone in the meetings.” A splendid disguise.
For the true crime, of course, as we all knew,
Was noticing Charlotte had nothing to do.
She summoned up surveys and listening forums,
Then quietly targeted those who ignored them.
She spoke of “safe spaces” with practised affection
While drafting restructures marked “culture protection.”
Young graduates trembled. The managers bowed.
Executives praised her for “holding space” loud.
And each time a project collapsed into flame,
Charlotte held workshops and someone else blamed.
But malice, though useful in moderate doses,
Can flourish excessively, much like psychosis.
And Charlotte, intoxicated deep by applause,
Eventually stopped respecting the laws.
Not moral laws, mind you. Those never applied.
But procedural ones that unpleasantly hide
Inside HR manuals, policies, codes,
And nasty little emails employees still owed.
For those of us, observing from safe distance, frowned,
“Documentation,” we whispered, “must always abound.”
For to do evil, and not be caught
Requires lots more paperwork than Charlotte thought.
Charlotte, however, grew reckless with power.
Each vendetta more urgent. Each grievance more sour.
She skipped the paperwork, timelines and proof,
Convinced she’d transcended such bureaucratic hoof.
Until one bleak morning – perhaps it was a lawyer?
Sought supporting evidence. There was none. Not a bar.
No notes. No examples. No witness. No dates.
Just “ongoing concerns” and “misaligned traits.”
The silence that followed was almost demure,
Even Charlotte looked uncertain. Less sure.
For the first time in years, through corporate fog,
Reality emerged carrying an audit log.
And somewhere in Findex… or was it Crowe?
A lawyer sighed softly and whispered, “Uh oh.”
But even the grandest charade
Must answer the question:
“Was any of this documented?”
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