The Editor exercises his prerogative to title this post. Charlotte’s account appears below.
A Question of Grammar – in Charlotte’s own words
There is nothing I detest more than being corrected. Even in private.
I care not that the plural of Auditor General is apparently Auditors General and not Auditor Generals, as I had quite reasonably believed. English, after all, is full of such unnecessary irregularities.
But the point is not the grammar.
The point is the pattern.
Shortly after that episode, the little shit employee in question also took it upon himself to comment on the drafting of our tender responses. Apparently, when a paragraph introduces a list of bullet points, the verbs in those bullet points should be conjugated consistently with the tense used in the introductory sentence.
This was explained to me at some length. The little shit employee even took the liberty of correcting my text in a couple of cover letters and responses!
While I appreciate a commitment to grammatical precision, I do find that employees who concern themselves excessively with such matters sometimes struggle to appreciate the broader responsibilities of senior leadership.
An Unfortunate Discovery
The little shit same individual then announced — rather triumphantly — that he had discovered the firm was paying for two tender portals that provided exactly the same information. He promptly cancelled one of them and alluded – to several colleagues including myself – that he had saved the firm possibly up to three thousand dollars per year.
Three thousand dollars. Per year.
Now, let us think about that for a moment.
What exactly does such a discovery imply?
If the firm has been paying this “extra” three thousand dollars each year, and if I have been responsible for this function for the past three years, what conclusion might certain people begin to draw about my competence?
Senior executives must always be mindful of perception.
Small things have a way of becoming… narratives.
Impressionable Loyal Colleagues to the Rescue
Naturally, I cannot allow narratives of that sort to take hold within the organisation.
Leadership requires decisiveness.
And I am blessed to have unquestioning loyal colleagues who have stood behind me in these trying circumstances, providing damning constructive feedback and even direct interventions in the form of mentoring and remedial coaching to the little shit employee in question. Although, they are not yet aware of this fact.
Every Incompetence Under the Sun… and also Where the Sun Don’t Shine
This is an apt a rather vulgar expression to describe an immaculately beautiful process of retribution professional alignment.
The Hegelian dialectic teaches us: Problem. Reaction. Solution.
I have refined this slightly:
No Problem.
Reaction.
Solution.
Where there is no problem, well, there is a problem.
Or will be. Soon.
In the documentation, of course.
Nobody needs to know about this – especially the employee in question.
It is appropriate now, to introduce the incompetencies. The more the merrier. Include the kitchen sink.
Everything from insubordination, subservience, lack of core competencies, too many competencies complicating the output, poor attitude, excessive attitude, lack of attention to detail, too much attention to detail, inability to prioritise, too much emphasis on prioritisation, poor stakeholder engagement, over-investment in stakeholder engagement, weak communication skills, overcommunicating, overconfidence, underconfidence, responding too quickly, responding too slowly, insufficient commercial awareness, over reliance on commercial aspects, inadequate initiative, excessive initiative, failure to follow direction, following directions too literally, to a general inability to meet expectations across the full spectrum of professional responsibilities.
Variety is important.
It is a test of your credibility what management will swallow accept when you bring this litany of trumped up allegations facts to them, and highlight the little shit’s employee’s progress (or lack of) on his performance improvement journey.
Discerning readers will note that there is no journey at all, and that this shopping list of wall-to-wall inadequacies is presented to him on his termination day as a fait accompli.
It is, incidentally, also the first time he sees it.
In my experience – and as a testament to the confidence and faith management has placed in me – nobody has even batted an eyelid.
How anyone can be incompetent in every single aspect of his profession and then some beggars belief.
But there you are, my gullible good colleagues.
The Importance of “Documentation”
The important thing is that everything has been “documented”. And the “documentation” appears only where it is most useful: before the appropriate decision-makers, and at precisely the moment it becomes relevant.
People and Culture receive it.
Senior leadership review it.
The narrative is already complete.
From their perspective, the situation could not be clearer.
You have, after all, been trying your very best to correct a difficult situation:
You – and said colleagues – have mentored.
You – and said colleagues – have coached.
You – and said colleagues – have exercised patience beyond what most executives would reasonably tolerate.
And yet the blathering idiot incompetent employee in question continues to struggle.
At some point, leadership must accept reality.
Certain people simply cannot be helped. Except along their journey. Out.
Editor’s Note
Our astute readers will have surmised that the “employee” in question is none other than Charlotte’s most recent Bids and Tenders Manager.
As you will recall, his tenure with the firm concluded five weeks into his probation.
As an exercise in forensics, readers may wish to consider whether Charlotte’s stewardship of the bid function played any part in her decision to terminate her subordinate — particularly in light of her ruminations on the optics of her Bids and Tenders Manager’s unfortunate discovery — or whether he was indeed a blathering idiot incompetent little shit.
Readers will form their own views as to whether corporate alignment must necessarily be constrained by the truth.
Or procedural fairness.
Or not.
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